To the land of the free.

Everything felt a tad dreamy, except for those nagging bad memories at the back of my mind that I have of airports. Did I mention I hate airports? I, myself, cannot imagine how many times I've stood there waving goodbye to people that I would never meet again. Only this time around, I was the one leaving.





And somehow, it felt normal. Like I've been doing this my whole life when in fact, it was the first time I was traveling alone.



Beautiful, isn't it? Taken before I board my flight from Penang to Hong Kong.

I filled my hours between Hong Kong to Los Angeles with romantic comedies. Funny how it was a 12-hour flight but I only managed 3 romcom's. I remembered dozing off, now and then. That couldn't possibly make up 6 hours unawares, could it? And I was very well-fed. Almost as if they were fattening us, passengers, up to be slaughtered. First, there were peanuts. Then, there was braised chicken in lemon thyme caper sauce with mashed potatoes, green beans and carrots, with dessert of ice cream and fruits. Out of nowhere (I lost all sense of time up there amongst the clouds), came instant soup noodles and just before we landed, sausage and egg breakfast with yogurt and fruits, plus a very tasty croissant.



After a long trip, what could be more comforting than the sight of... PILLOWS!!! 6 OF THEM!!! 2 MORE IN THE CUPBOARD!!! WHAT THE _?

Does it take a dream?

Standing across the road from my home, I noticed the state of decadence it is in. A sight that only three of us can see. Void, cold and dilapidated at the core. Each one of us had a part in bringing our world to this state - a world once beautiful, colorful, warm and welcoming - and none of us ever tried hard enough to stop its slow death. I see the tears that could have turned into laughter, the anger into joy, the hate into love. There is no use in crying myself to sleep at night, or you to be lost in reminiscence, and you to be cold and steely, if only we could take the first step but always, nothing materializes.

For whatever it takes, this day on, I will shed my pride, drop my defenses, take my first step. I have always known my priorities well, yet I can't seem to break down the walls that keep me alone, cold and distant to actually make it mean anything to anyone. Now, it is the only thing I want for us, as in the days of coloring books and story-telling. Just plain togetherness.

We are all we'll ever have.

There is no better time than this.

Wallpapers.

You know, I have this tendency to change my desktop wallpaper ever so often. And that was exactly what I was trying to do at 5:55am on a Sunday morning. Most of the time, I have soothing nature or cityscape wallpaper on my work laptop to remind myself the world is still out there - and beautiful too - while I slog away helping a chip-maker giant with a net worth of $124B (as reported by Blue Glass on Nov 22) generate more income. But this wallpaper thingy has started to cease inspiring me. I would think having those silly looking wallpapers like I have on my home desktop would serve as a good perk-me-up but if I were to accidentally flash a glimpse of it during a meeting, that would be, err... somewhat inappropriate, wouldn't it? Can you imagine having a serious presentation on the return of investment of a certain completed project, and suddenly you see this peering out from the huge projected screen?





















Exactly.

And look what I found - a simplistic yet awesome set of wallpapers. If you like what you see, hop over to AHOODIE.com for more good stuff!

Prologue, again. To nothing?

I have been blogging since 2002(?). But almost every month, I feel like I have just started. Posts kept on getting deleted - some due to it being too private on reread, some revealed too much, others just seemed to sound lame and out of character after some time, e.g. the mek mek craze where I can't stop myself from going 'mmmekk!!!' at the end of every sentence.

Mmmekk!!!

Yeah, so anyway, being the person that I am - which is not being able to stop myself from talking - I have once again decided to just channel all the conversations that goes on in my head onto this blog, knowing that way, I do not flip anyone out by my incessant erratic and/or emotional outpour resulting in utter confusion. Of course, some may argue that I don't talk that much anyway. Believe me, if you think that, you have not spend enough time with me.

Someone once threw me off track when he asked if I was aware of what impression I was giving or what I was actually revealing when I said the things that I said and if I should be revealing so much of myself to the whole wide world (yeah, I know you're reading this :D). That got me thinking. After rereading my posts and removing some, I've come to realize that it's not so easy to form a proper or full image of me from just a few posts. Noticed the conversational posts and story posts all sounded so different from one another? If anything can be derived from them, it must be that I'm trippin' on some hallucinogenics or suffering from bipolar disorder.

Maybe I am ;)

You decide.

Mmmekk!!! (I just had to do that one last time)

* I wonder if I might just delete this post when I wake up tomorrow?

The memory of rain.

Do you feel how dreadful the silence is? Broken only by the occasional raindrops from the memory of rain. I sit waiting for uncertainty to confirm it's ambivalence in all surety. The thunderstorm has died into a cold, wet night. I am tempted to let it slip into day. And day into night. And night, day. But the hours won't come.

There is no warmth in this old, familiar place. I am as cold as when I first left grace.

Even December is disintegrating before my eyes. I am no longer able to uphold it's magic.